The missus wanted to go back to Bed Bath & Beyond last weekend to fix our registry. Apparently, the finger towels (huh?) didn't match the back splash (huh?) of the dust ruffle (huh?) or something like that. Honestly, I have no idea what women are saying when they start talking about interior decorating, feelings, and south of the border lady health stuff, so all I know is that we needed to go back to the store for something.
It wasn't all bad; I got to run the laser scanner dealie this time and add the triple plate to the registry, uh YEAH! We went for Chinese food prior to this too, which is probably just the Sciencette's way of anesthetizing me, but she can dose me with General Tso's anytime.
Anyway, things were going fine until we ran into The Stench. This is going to be difficult to describe, but stay with me. When I first caught a whiff of this, I figured somebody had farted hard and then vacated the immediate vicinity. In fact, the ass molecules in the air we so bad that we got out of that part of the store as quickly as possible too. This landed us in the section of BB&B with candles, the bamboo scent diffuser things, and other assorted fragrant items.
But nothing was as fragrant as the horrid smell of ass!
The Colon Phantom had apparently struck here too. Sweet noseclips on Jesus, it was awful! Think about it for a minute. We were in the section of the store that is most overwhelmed with things that women use to mask the smells of the men in their lives, and this rancid ass cloud had overpowered it all. I was at a complete loss; I just can't understand how this is even possible. It's like this smell was alive, enslaving the other smells, and converting them to it's sulfurous religion.
Needless to say, we didn't tarry long in this second foul section. We tried kitchenwares but were confronted by the same reek. In fact, an entire 50% of this very large store had been ASSassinated by The Stench. It was as if someone shit a full two pints of large intestine into their pants and then walked up and down that half of the store trailing their ungodly evil emenations. Still, I can't believe that could even account for this menace. I can only assume that small piles of defecation were also hidden in unobtrusive places. Sweet sassy mo-lassey!
Thankfully, we were done at this point. We ran the gauntlet one more time (breathing through our mouths) to return the laser, and then we high-tailed it out of there. Unfortunately, this wasn't the end of our woes. Stay tuned for the next installment of Registry Antics.
A Place to Play
2 weeks ago