To all the tards that drink bottled water:

People around here make fun of me or look on in consternation when I get a drink from the water fountains at work or from the tap. These are the people that drink bottled water, i.e. tards. Why would you pay for water? I don't care what your argument is for doing it; this will show you that it's wrong. The high point is:

The study's lab tests on 10 brands of bottled water detected 38 chemicals including bacteria, caffeine, the pain reliever acetaminophen, fertilizer, solvents, plastic-making chemicals and the radioactive element strontium. Though some probably came from tap water that some companies use for their bottled water, other contaminants probably leached from plastic bottles, the researchers said.

"In some cases, it appears bottled water is no less polluted than tap water and, at 1,900 times the cost, consumers should expect better," said Jane Houlihan, an environmental engineer who co-authored the study.

You just paid 1,900 times too much for a bottle of evil. Good job.

Sound financial advice

This is from Lilschmeg:

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

BUT, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg plan.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be an American!

I haven't done the math to see if these facts and figures are correct, but as The Scientist, I'm forced to believe them unquestioningly. They do make me proud to be an American and so does the invention of the Sarah-Cuda.

Dr. Snail wants to know, "How funny is this bullshit?"

Dr. Snail (12:44:49 PM): dude, i was paying for a book i got on ebay and they asked me if i wanted to donate one dollar to this charity

Dr. Snail (12:44:52 PM): "Our mission is to give people who are unable to continue caring for their blind cat, and who have been unable to place these animals with friends, relatives, or no-kill adoption groups a sanctuary where their animals will receive a lifetime of love and care. And to provide shelters and rescues with blind cats whom are not able to find a suitable adoptive home for these animals an alternative to euthanizing them. Please visit our webpage www.blindcatrescue.com"

Dr. Snail (12:45:48 PM): how funny is that bullshit?