Get Off My Lawn

For those of you that wonder what Matt Bochman does on the weekends, please read the following article:

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/cityregion/s_530177.html

No more do you have to sit and wonder what a great man like Matt Bochman does with his spare time. In other news, Bobby Walters and I are going to both kick Bochman in the nuts.

Taste my pain JBC!

As a scientist, The Scientist is encouraged to publish his work in peer reviewed journals. That's easier said than done though. It takes a taint-load of work to put together a paper, and then the reviewers tear that shit to pieces.

The boss and I submitted a paper for review in May and got comments back a week or two later. Reviewer one said that parts of my first figure waere redundant based on what others had published, suggested one more experiment, and then made a random comment about a sentence we wrote.

All in all, that's not so bad.

Reviewer two wished I was dead. He needed more in Figure 1, way more. He had fundamental problems with my basic assays and reagents. He (or she I guess) also concluded that the work was so preliminary that it wasn't publishable.

Kill!

I did 2.5 months of experiments to satisfy the reviewers (basically just #2, [teehee, #2]) and then resubmitted ye olde paper. After 4 weeks of sweating it out, the highly intelligent editors at the Journal of Biological Chemistry decided to publish the hell out of it. Uh YEAH! There's a crappy version here, but a better copy will be available after everything's been proofed.

Now I'm a real scientist like Dr. Snail and the Sciencette who have each published like 50 times.

Mmm, leg jerkey.

Like Dave MacAlpine once told me, "there are just retards in this world."

N.C. Man Finds Human Leg in Smoker
Tuesday, September 25, 2007 6:55 PM EDT
The Associated Press

MAIDEN, N.C. (AP) — People leave some interesting things behind in a storage facility. Just ask the Maiden police, who say this is one of the strangest cases they've ever seen. The owner of a storage facility auctioned off abandoned items today, and among them was a smoker.

The man who purchased the smoker opened it up and saw what he thought was a piece of driftwood wrapped in paper. When he unwrapped it, he found a human leg.

Police determined the leg went from the foot to about 2-3 inches above the knee.

Investigators traced the smoker back to the original owners of the storage unit and contacted the mother and son.

The mother explained her son had his leg amputated after a plane crash and kept the leg following the surgery. The mother said her son plans to drive to Maiden to reclaim his amputated leg.

Happy Oktoberfest!

The staff here at Dr. Yeti would like to wish our millions and millions of fans a happy Oktoberfest.

Are you confused? Are you wondering why I spelled October wrong? Are you concerned that Oktoberfest is taking place before October? Then stop reading, asshole.

Oktoberfest is a yearly celebration of the historic marriage of two Germans nobles. It's generally celebrated by 6.5 million people descending upon Munich like a swarm of locust to drink beer and eat bratwurst. Or at least that's what I thought.

It turns out that last year, they only sold 6.1 million servings of beer. I'm no mathologist, but I think that works out to less than one beer per person. What the hell? (Or "what the helles" for you Germans out there with a sense of humor)

I know if I was there, I'd drink at least...enough beers to make me throw up. That's usually more than a liter (i.e. the most common serving size at the Munich festival). And I would do that for several of the days that the two week party encompasses. What's wrong with these dirty Europeans that they're not doing the same? Darren Moser could probably out-drink the entire country of Lichtenstein.

Anywho, this weekend, the Sciencette and I are going to put on our drinking shoes and head to Oktoberfest at the Penn Brewery. If you're in the area and not a douche, I recommend that you do the same.

Kill you Jared.

Help a brother out.

Does anyone have access to either of these journal articles:

K. D. Collins and M. W. Washabaugh, The Hofmeister effect and the behaviour of water at interfaces, Quart. Rev. Biophys., 18 (1985) 323-422.

W. Kunz, P. Lo Nostro and B. W. Ninham, The present state of affairs with Hofmeister effects, Curr. Opin. Coll. Interface Sci. 9 (2004) 1-18.

They're a little obscure, but I'd be in your debt if you can find them.

Finally, a senator that's not an asshole.

Yesterday, I would've told you that I hate politics and all politicians. Thanks to this little gem, I can now say that I hate politics and most politicians.

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

Chambers said the lawsuit was triggered by a federal suit filed against a judge who recently barred words such as "rape" and "victim" from a sexual assault trial.

The accuser in the criminal case, Tory Bowen, sued Lancaster District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront, claiming that he violated her free speech rights.

Chambers said Bowen's lawsuit is inappropriate because the Nebraska Supreme Court has already considered the case and federal courts follow the decisions of state supreme courts on state matters.

"This lawsuit having been filed and being of such questionable merit creates a circumstance where my lawsuit is appropriately filed," Chambers said. "People might call it frivolous but if they read it they'll see there are very serious issues I have raised."

U.S. District Judge Richard Kopf, in an order last week, expressed doubts about whether Bowen's lawsuit "has any legal basis whatsoever" and said sanctions may be imposed against Bowen and her attorneys if they fail to show cause for the lawsuit.

The Associated Press usually does not identify accusers in sex-assault cases, but Bowen has allowed her name to be used publicly because of the issue over the judge's language restrictions.

Cheuvront declared a mistrial in the sexual assault trial in July, saying pretrial publicity made it impossible to gather enough impartial jurors.

Take that taint-fisters! I should've sued God a long time ago.

The Scientist

Today is the Scientist's birthday. He's a grand ol' 27 now (old fuck!). Happy birthday Matty. In honor of him and the shenanigans he will pull today/tonight, I leave you this:

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Maybe Kathy Griffin doesn't suck taint.

Prior to this week, I basically didn't like Kathy Griffin. Her neck looks like a weird tree trunk, her episode on Seinfeld was retarded, and she's a ginger kid. Apparently, in her post-"Suddenly Susan" days, she also has a new reality show called "My Life on the D-List" or some crap like that.

I hate reality shows (other than Survivor Man, but maybe because that's actually real), but apparently connoisseurs of the genre think this D-List dealie is good and gave Kathy Griffin a creative arts Emmy award. Normally, I also hate awards shows and everything involving them, but KG may have changed all of that. During her acceptance speech, she said,

"a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus."

That may be the greatest thing ever said on TV (aside from the creative profanity in Deadwood). In fact, the Yeti, Beardo, and I have been having a small email conversation about it for 2 days now. I think I speak for them when I say that the twist on the story (below) is a total asshole shenanigan of sand-in-the-vagina proportions.

Yep, you can bet that Churchies didn't take too kindly to her comment. Reports say that

"Officials at the Catholic League, a U.S. anti-defamation group, called on Emmy bosses to "denounce Griffin's obscene and blasphemous comment" at Sunday's ceremony."

These people, who also labeled the KG's comment as a "vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech" are the world's biggest hypocrites. If you're an atheist, they tell you you're going to burn in a hell that you don't even believe in. If you want an abortion, they want nothing more than to kill you and the doctor that would help you. Throughout history, Christians have forced their morals and dogma down the throat of as many people as possible.

And why? They believe in an invisible man in the sky (and his dead-for-2000-years carpenter son) that's all seeing, all knowing, & all powerful, yet is constantly in need of money. A being that commands you to live by 10 rules for fear of spending an eternity being tortured in a place full of fire, brimstone, rot, ruin, and plague (but he loves you).

If Fox and/or the Emmy's decide to denounce and censor Kathy Griffin's speech, then America might as well just take a giant shit on free speech in general, freedom of religion (we'll consider atheism a religion), and ginger kids everywhere. KILL!

The Scientist is back.

I spent the end of last week in scenic Cold Spring Harbor sciencing it up with a bunch of nerds (as usual). They totally loved me, especially when I was drunk, and I found out that world famous scientician John Kuriyan also graduated from Juniata College.

Anyway, just as soon as I get back in the swing of things, I'll toss up a more substantial post. In the mean time, enjoy this video of Joachim Li (one of the meeting's organizers) take a novel approach to get grad students in his lab:

WE ARE....

PENN STATE!!!!!!!!

Today is a big day for all you Nittany Lion fans out there. it's our chance to get a little redemption on that fat-fuck charlie weiss.

if you remember correctly, last year in south bend, fat-fuck chuck was up by 20 some points against penn state and calls a fake field goal. what an ass! seriously, this guy is the biggest taint-fister since ike turner.


fortunately for all those ass-taint-cocksuckin'-motherfuckin'-twat twiddlin' notre dame fans out there, joe paterno shows more class picking his nose than fat-fuck chuck could muster up in his hole life. joepa won't run up the score...although it may look like it because throater-dame sucks so bad this year.

so tune in at 6PM on ESPN this evening and watch throater-dames freshman quarterback get baptized by fire in front of 110,000+ screaming fans in happy valley. i don't think we'll be disappointed.

G.O.D. update

I complained to Juniata about their lack of Duane Stroman news, so they emailed me this:

Retired Juniata professor, advocate

of people with challenges dies at 73

By BECKY WEIKERT

Daily News Staff Writer

Senator and orator Daniel Webster once said, “What a man does for others, not what they do for him, gives him immortality.”

In that case, Dr. Duane Stroman’s legacy will live on forever.

Stroman died Wednesday, Aug. 29, at J.C. Blair Memorial Hospital, following a long battle with cancer. He was 73.

Best known for his commitment to the field of human services, Stroman’s contributions to the community were diverse.

“He was very strongly connected to the community,” said Dr. James Lakso, Juniata College provost and personal friend of Stroman.

A native of Fostoria, Ohio, Stroman came to Juniata College in 1963. In his more than four decades of service to the college, he served as chairman of the sociology department, associate professor of sociology and assistant dean of students, among many other titles. He was also recognized with the Beeghley Award for distinguished teaching in 1984.

“Duane was highly regarded by his students and colleagues,” said Lakso. “He was the rock of social sciences at Juniata.”

Following his retirement in 2004, Stroman continued to teach part-time as part of Juniata’s phase retirement program for three years. He most recently taught a class during the spring 2007 semester.

In addition to his teaching contributions, Stroman helped to connect Juniata with the Huntingdon community.

“In the last two years, Juniata has made a much more continuous effort to be connected to the Huntingdon community,” said Lakso. “Duane was a pioneer in that. This community was very important to him.”

Stroman was also a member of the Huntingdon Rotary Club and involved with a number of local boards, committees and government agencies and the founder of Raystown Developmental Services (RDS).

“He was a great advocate for people with developmental disabilities,” said Liz Simpson, program director for RDS.

Founded in the 1980s, it was Stroman’s vision to provide developmentally disabled individuals with the opportunity to live as independently as possible and have quality of life. Since its inception, Simpson said RDS has grown into several programs, providing community living homes, life sharing services, community rehabilitation services and adult training services. Until recently, Stroman helped to provide training to RDS staff and served as president until 2000.

“We provide services to many who are coming from institutions or situations where they previously lived alone or with elderly. We help to improve the quality of life and give them a sense of independence.”

As an advocate of the human service organizations, Stroman also became involved with Leadership Huntingdon County, serving as a steering committee member.

“Duane was very involved from the initial meeting in July 2002, representing Juniata College and his interest in the human service organizations in the county,” said Debbie Gregory, Leadership Huntingdon County (LHC) steering committee chair.

Gregory lauded Stroman for his creation of a synopsis of all of the human service organizations in Huntingdon County for the Leadership classes.

“He created a one-page handout of all the organizations and the class participants were just amazed to see how many services there were in Huntingdon County,” said Gregory.

As part of his involvement with LHC, Gregory said Stroman taught one of the Leadership evening class sessions each year, including for the Class of 2007. He ended his term on the steering committee in January 2007.

“He shared his wealth of knowledge with the community and people and really helped to get Leadership Huntingdon County established,” concluded Gregory.

Stroman was also known among his colleagues as a published author, having published five academic books on medical sociology, mental illness and advocacy for mental, physical and social disabilities.

Stroman was known to many on a personal level, as well as professional.

“For 27 years, I had an office across the hall from him,” said Lakso. “Like many others, I feel I’ve lost a really good friend. He was a person of high integrity, he was ‘the salt of the earth.’”

Funeral arrangements are incomplete at this time, but friends will be received at the John B. Brown Funeral Home, 417 Washington St., Huntingdon, from 7-9 p.m. Monday, Sept. 3, and interment will be made privately Tuesday morning in Riverview Cemetery, Huntingdon.

A scholarship fund in Stroman’s name is being established through Kish Bank. Memorial contributions may be made to the Dr. Duane F. Stroman Legacy Scholarship Fund, c/o Kish Bank, P.O. Box 593, Huntingdon, PA 16652. The fund will assist Juniata College students majoring in sociology or social work, who exemplify Stroman’s ideals.

A full obituary will be published in the Saturday edition of The Daily News.

G.O.D. is Dead

It's time to get serious here at Dr. Yeti for once. We are here to mourn the passing of a great man, Duane Stroman, aka, G.O.D. (Good Ol' Duane). Dr. Stroman passed away this weekend and his loss will be felt by those of us here at Dr. Yeti. Stroman was very influential in our lives and imparted many things to us. If the fucktards at Juniata ever get around to putting up an article about Stro, I will post the link. Beardo has a front page article on Stroman from the Huntingdon Daily News and the obituary which I will share with you. In the meantime, hoist up a cold Yuengling for the man that defied age for so long and managed to endear himself to countless students at Juniata College.