Happy birthday Goiter!

Many of you know the storied history of the blog and my sister Goiter's birthday. For those that don't, let's just say that the staff here at Dr. Yeti has often overlooked birthday posts for her in favor of waxing poetic on other topics, including but not limited to: Chuck Norris, taints, yetis, yeti taints, taint fisters, pie, and the educational, societal, and geographic debacle known as the south.

I mean, we all thought Chuck Norris was badass. He was the first black man to win the New York City Marathon, and iTunes pays him 99 cents every time he listens to a song. That's all well and good, but then we found out that he is a fundamentalist Christian...

I know, I almost cried too, but my manliness prevented me. Still, it was a dark, dark day to find out that Chuck Norris doesn't believe in dinosaurs and evolution.

I guess that means he doesn't believe in the evolution of the taint as postulated by Dr. Snail. So, following playground logic, that means that Chuck Norris and Dr. Snail need to fight. Dr. Snail probably has the advantage in the reach department and is decades younger, but if Chuck Norris is too stupid to believe in evolution, then he's probably too stupid to feel pain. That's a tough opponent.

Come to think of it, I guess the Yeti and Chuck Norris are going to have to fight too. Yetis are considered by some to be the missing link, but no evolution means no links, so Chuck Norris doesn't believe in yetis. Is this the most logical post ever, or what!?!

Anyway, happy birthday to Goiter. She's not quite as old as Crooked Jim with his dried up leathery scrotum full of sawdust, but she's getting there. If anyone wants to buy her a present, she likes Lindeman's Framboise, pickles, and A.C. Slater.