New Jersey - Land of Celebrity Siblings

This may be the product of not having slept since I saw the movie "Coraline," but I keep seeing people in New Jersey that look like the kid brothers of famous people. Seriously, it's getting a little disturbing.

For instance, the Comcast guy that showed up to hook up our cable looked like Lopez Lomong. I know what you're thinking, "who's Lopez Lomong?" What are you guys, some kind of assholes? Don't you watch track and field when it's on ESPN8 (The Ocho)? Lopez was an American olympic hopeful this past summer. When he was young, he was kidnapped by the people that keep killing other people in Sudan (or something like that). I can't remember if he was slated for ethnic cleansing or if they were going to brainwash him and teach him how to kill people like in "Blood Diamond," but he somehow escaped captivity and ran to freedom.

For real, he ran for like 3 days straight until he ended up in another country. It's was like Forrest Gump, except Tom Hanks would have to play a black guy in this one. Anyway, he was adopted by some Americans, and he became a track star in the distance events. This is what he looks like:
Now, imagine my surprise when a Comcast truck pulls up and a dude that looks suspiciously like Lopez Lomong jumps out! This guy, let's call him Slowpez, was nuts. I couldn't understand a word he said other than "cable," and for some reason he kept running laps around the townhouse. I imagine that Lopez Lomong would do much the same thing, but I knew it must really be Slowpez because he was slower than his older brother and hadn't mastered the English language yet. I still don't know why he was running around the outside of the house for 15 minutes though. Maybe he was in training?

This next one is for the ladies.

I saw Orlando Bloom's little brother in a parking lot. Let's call him Tampa. Tampa looked like a surly cross between Legolas and whoever Orlando played in "Pirates of the Caribbean." So basically, just picture a long-haired blond elf with a crustache:I'm no artist, so I couldn't really capture the surliness in the picture above, but you know why Tampa was so pissed? He was working as the guy that has to collect shopping carts in the parking lot, and we all know what that's like in Jersey now. I'd be pissed at life too if my name was Tampa and I had to clean up after everyone else's slothful ways.

Wow, this post sucked a taint. I'm sorry.