Happy birthday Charlie Darwin!

Dude, let's face it. Charles Darwin was a bearded badass, plain and simple. That son of a bitch took a boat ride around the world in a time when a bunch of idiots probably still thought the Earth was flat, scurvy was the rule not the exception, and Americans had yet to invent cherry Pepsi. Not only did he survive the entire trip, get a nice tan, and hook up with a bunch of island babes, but he came up with the theory of freakin' evolution along the way. We're talking natural selection, descent with modification, survival of the fittest and shit!

This guy was an academic Macgyver. He used the mental equivelent of duct tape and spit to turn his observations of birds into probably the most important damn concept in biology. Why do I think it's so important?

Consider this: the Catholic Church (and a shit-ton of other flavors of Judeo-Muslim-Christians) don't believe in evolution. They just don't. They figure some invisible man in the sky who has three major religions devoted to him (and whose devotees each hate the other two groups despite the fact that they pray to the same figment of the imagination) created all life on Earth just the way it is.

Now, consider what Mr./Ms. Garrison said about evolution on South Park:

Now I, for one, think evolution is a bunch of *bullcrap*! But I've been told I have to teach it to you anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this... In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its...mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this [she points to a prehistoric mammal rodent] retard frog-sqirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you! So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!

Based on Dawrin's theory of evolution and the science supporting it, the obvious pharce presented to the students on South Park is actually more believable than anything you'll find in the Bible. That's right, because of Darwin, South Park is more educational than the Bible. Who else can claim such an impact?

Anyway, to celebrate Darwin's birthday, Dr. Snail and I invite you to look back at our previous posts about evolution and maybe learn a thing or two:

The evolution of beer yeast

The evolution of the taint (a family favorite!)

Ricky Bobby on evolution

Is evolution racist?

Those damn British!

Was the yeti's taint intelligently designed?

Damn dirty apes!