As many of you know from reading the archives here at Dr. Yeti, I've diagnosed myself with A.S.S.-Burger Syndrome. Basically, it means that I have both Asperger's Syndrome and mad cow disease, and even basically-er, it means that I'm a meat-loving tard with OCD.
When a person has obsessive compulsive disorder, they get fixated on things, and it's usually a bad idea for others to feed into the obsession. The Sciencette disagrees.
For many months now, I've been obsessed with two mutually exclusive ideas: learning how to weld and surviving in the wild (like Les Stroud). Welding is total badass. What could be better than joining two pieces of metal together with a lot of energy? And being able to survive while lost in the wilderness has obvious advantages. What's not to love?
Well, for the Sciencette, several things. First, I'm Matt Bochman. Matt Bochmans and dangerous tools such as welders usually aren't good combinations. I can barely walk down the hall at work without injuring myself and everyone within a 20 ft radius of me. Naturally, me welding made the Sciencette nervous. Plus, she doesn't think I have anything to weld. What she doesn't realize is that once I learn how to weld, I'm going to weld everything whether it needs it or not. I was thinking of turning a 55 gallon steel drum and some scrap metal into a sweetass grill. I could cook an entire wild boar in it, and I can get the wild boar while I'm surviving in the wild.
It can't be that hard, right? All I have to do is build a shelter, find/trap non-poisonous food, and locate some drinking water. I guess fire would help too, and even if I don't have my magnesium-flint stick with me, I'm pretty sure I can rub two normal sticks together and create a blaze.
The Sciencette is pretty sure I'd die almost immediately though.
Despite her reservations, my constant barrage of welding and survival comments seems to have worn her down. For x-mas, she bought me The Essentials of Welding and the SAS Survival Handbook (her dad loved the welding book; he's been welding, brazing, and soldering for many years now). She's an enabler, and I'm about to become the world's greatest backwoods metalworker.
A Place to Play
1 week ago
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4 comments:
kickass! if you need somewhere to weld in the wild, let me know. there's plenty of room in the mountains for all welding types, even the OCD ones...
by the way, SOOOOOO glad to read more shenanigans...i was thinking this morning that i was going to have to write threatening messages to get someone to post something up here! i come here and expect to be entertained, free of charge, just like every other god-fearing american! i was starting to think that you had been talking to comcast and were going to start charging ridiculous amounts of money for people to get mind-numbing entertainment. glad to see you didn't go over to the dark side...
Hmm, maybe we should charge...
Dude, you should weld yourself a metal box for dutch oven cooking. Its a great way to contain the coals.
Dr. Snail, you are a PA Dutch genius.
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