At most of my family gatherings (Thanksgiving and the like), the conversation invariably turns to religion and/or sex. I'm angered and disgusted by each topic in like measure. Seriously, I can taste a little throw up in my throat right now.
Anyway, we've tackled faith and religion here at Dr. Yeti before, so I think it's time to talk about sex.
Wikipedia defines sexual intercourse as "the union of the sex organs of two sexually reproducing animals." I define it as boning. Either way, it's two (or more) people bumping uglies, getting it on, anti-whacking it in their tool sheds...you know, "making love."
Now, it's a well known fact that the goal of every yoga practitioner is autofellatio, or the licking of one's own genitals. Remember that time Will Ferrel did it on Saturday Night Live? Oh man, that was great. Some years back, rumors were rampant that Marilyn Manson had a set or two of ribs removed so he could do the same thing, but there were also rumors that he was Paul from the Wonder Years. Incidentally, Winney Cooper is now a math genius.
But back to the autofellatio. I learned last night that all these yoga hippies need to do is kill themselves and hope to be reincarnated as a cat.
That's right, the Sciencette's cat Boris was giving himself a blow job. There I was, just sitting on the couch minding my own business when I look down and see Boris with his head buried in his crotch. At first, I though he was just grooming himself (a little feline manscaping if you will), but then he pulled back, and I saw the red rocket. The lipstick was out; he was shooting pinky.
And then he dove back in for Round 2.
Legend has it that chronic masturbators suffer from hairy palms, blindness, chafing, and extreme Yetiism. One can only imagine that chronic autofellators might suffer similar fates. Well, Boris was just at the vet, and it turns out that his teeth and gums are rotting. I'm not saying I definitely deserve a Nobel Prize, but I think discovering this link between crotch-rot and dental problems warrants some sort of recognition.
The question is, if you could, would you do it too?
A Place to Play
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