Free table

Does anyone want this table?
It's free to a good home.

Love Actually

Last night, I agreed to watch "Love Actually" with the Sciencette. For those of you that don't know, it's a movie about British people...actually loving...and stuff. Per Julia's orders, I paid pretty close attention, but sometimes I swear those limeys aren't speaking English. Also, it has that one dude that was the head vampire from "Underworld" in it, but I think he turns out gay at the end or something. I sort of didn't like how they swear a lot around little kids either. Swearing makes baby Jesus cry.

Anyway, there's this one British guy that can't get any lovin', so he goes to America. He reasons that American chicks will bone anything with an accent, and it turns out that he's right in the movie. From personal observation, I'd say that it's a correct assumption in real life too.

The whole thing got me thinking. Is the attraction to someone with an accent driven by evolution?

Think about it. A healthy population of organisms needs to have a lot of variation in its genome so that one disease can't come along and wipe out the whole species. To achieve such variation, it's advantageous to introduce genetic material from distantly related organisms. It's also why you don't marry your sister; you'd eventually end up like those awesome Civil War style mutants on the X-Files.

Maybe being attracted to someone that's different (i.e. different accent, hair, skin color, etc.) is actually a trick that Mother Nature uses to shuffle around genes and whatnot for new combinations of DNA badassery.

Wanting to shag some wanker British guy from the dodgey part of town is Evolution Actually.

Sounds like a goat ate a siren.

Chances are, this will change your life bit not necessarily for the better (many thanks to The Teacher for the link).

Yeti Wisdom

I got an email from the Yeti yesterday telling my why quarterbacks should have short names:

You learn something new every day.

ThanksKilling Recap

the yeti went home for thanksgiving. i think this may be the only holiday that i have not missed with the family. i have never been one to turn down copious amounts of food. anyhow, i left my humble abode in richmond early tuesday morning and made it to champion, pa in a record 5 hours. i'm not sure what was going on, but i may have hit a wormhole somewhere along the way. not much happened the first two days. i went to my sisters house wednesday to help move funiture around...they were getting new carpet. then turkey day came and the family was all at my parents. i spent the morning watching the hitchcock marathon on amc. pretty good shit and i got to see a bunch of his movies that i hadn't seen. anyhow, everyone's at the table eating and my nephew (pictured below) get down because he is finished. my mother has a hand massager thingy doodle that he had been playing with the previous night. a bunch of people inquired as to what that noise was to which my mother responded, zach is over there playing with the vibrator. i gave a look to my sister, who absolutely lost it. then my brother-in-law lost it, then my brother. we were all laughing our arses off. needless to say, i don't think my mother or grandmother got what was so funny and i had to reprimand my sister for laughing at such a thing.


i also took another picture of my nephew which is below. i was kind of surprised, in this picture he looks more like dr. snail's nephew than the yeti's nephew.


friday night the family had to go to my sisters to see the new carpet. i tagged along because the mullet (my brother-in-law...he used to have a mullet) was having trouble getting his dvd player to work. i'll tell you something kids, electronics these days confuse the yeti. whatever happened to the SINGLE coax cable. i was befuddled. anyhow, i'm on my hands and knees looking at the buttons on the dvd player when i feel something at my backside, meaning my ass. i turn around and gunner (my sisters 150+lb rottweiler) is there licking my asshole. i never moved so fast in all my life. you see, this dog has not been neutered. he has a sack that would make most bulls blush. the last time i was at their house, he tried to hump me, repeatedly. it was no different this time. he was just tossing my salad getting everything all lubed up for penetration. the last time i was that scared for the sanctity of my asshole, i was sleeping alone in a tent with matt bochman at raystown lake.

i came home yesterday (saturday) with a load of firewood which took me about an hour and half to unload. then i just piddled around. now i'm going to piddle around some more.

Various Meats

Remember when the family used to get together for Thanksgiving, eat food, and have a good time? When you're young, that's all it seems like. You don't have to cook or drive or anything, so it's nothing but togetherness and a full belly.

Then you get old. And everyone else gets older. And people die, they move, they marry, they divorce, they burn bridges, and complain about politics. All of a sudden, Thanksgiving isn't so easy.

My mom had to work on Thanksgiving Day this year, so I precipitated Meat-Fest 2007 in response.

No one invited my grandmother to do anything on Turkey Day. What a bunch of douches. For real, just invite the old lady to eat some stuff. Anywho, The Sciencette and I decided it would be a good idea to have The Granny and Goiter down for a feast of dead beast. We cooked the bejesus out of a pork roast and had all the trimmings. I even found a drink that Goiter likes (she hates most wine and beer, what a weirdo!).

Today, we all went to The Old Man's place for a prime rib roast with all the fixins. He had to work this afternoon, so we did it as a lunch...and what a hardy lunch it was! There's nothing like a huge slab of beef at noon (and a Miller High Life at 10:30).

Tomorrow, we're going to have the turkey meal at my mom's. She refuses to cook anything because she's stressed out and whatnot, but between my turkey skills and all of the females there, I think we'll be ok. My grandmother will be in attendance again; maybe she'll do something crazy.

She started throwing garbage out the car window. That's her new thing. You have to worry about old people when they decide that littering is their new hobby.

Regardless, it's time to start prepping stuff for tomorrow. Enjoy your leftovers and such.

Kill

KILL!

Food for Thought

Take a minute to think about clothes. What you're wearing, the stuff in your closet, maybe something you bought for Christmas. Good.

Now I'm here to tell you that clothes are just lint that hasn't been trapped yet.

Consider your mind blown!

Anonymous...

this is for you. that's right, bask in my yetiness.

Knowing is half the battle.

Some of you might recall a little show called "Saved by the Bell." I know Goiter does because she partied with A.C. Slater in college. And Slater is why I'm here today kids.

Remember how he always used to sit in chairs backwards because he was the show's tough guy? The picture's crappy, but you get the idea in case you forgot. (FYI, the image and the maneuver I'm about to describe to you first came to my attention here.)

Anyway, it's a little act called "A.C. Slatering." All you have to do is drop a deuce facing the toilet tank, i.e. treat the toilet like Slater treated his chairs. You'll have to completely take off your pants to complete the journey (unless you have some kind of magic pants), but it's worth it.

While we're on the subject, I feel that it's necessary to also explain "Upper Decking." To pull off an upper deck, all you need to do is shit in the toilet tank. The Yeti threatens to do this at Frumpkin's house on a yearly basis. If no one knows about it, it can be the gift that keeps on giving.

This has been a public service announcement from everyone here at Dr. Yeti.

Is it just me...

...or does eating apples make your teeth feel weird?

The Yeti strikes!

This is old news, but I just wanted to make sure that everyone knew the Yeti was a dick. He came to PA and didn't even stop by for a visit:
He does look pretty svelte though. Have you been working out?

An Alarming Trend

I've notice an alarming trend in the way my blue jeans wear out. it seems that for the past 10 years or so, the crotch of my jeans is always the first part to wear out. see the hole for yourself in the picture below.




Could it be that my nuts/taint are so powerful that crotch of my blue jeans cannot withstand their force? Or, are my nards just to big to be contained? they need to start making wear-proof crotches for yetis.