Juniata River Rats, cover your asses.

The Juniata College Men's Rugby club, i.e the River Rats, have a fine tradition of inducting new members by making them run/swim across the Juniata River at the Spillway, retrieve a stick from Corbin's Island, and return it to shore without getting it wet. I don't know why they have to get naked for River Runs, but then again, I never knew why they had to get naked to do the Zulu Warrior celebration. Let's just say that rugby involves a certain level of homoeroticism and leave it at that.

Anyway, this post stands as a warning to all current and future ruggers. I came across this while checking out the current PA Fishing & Boating Commission's Regional Reports:

Anglers Mathew and Heidi Roush were enjoying a leisurely evening fishing on the Juniata River this past weekend; trying their luck with nightcrawlers to land some catfish. Much to their surprise, Mathew had a strong hit, and reeled in a red-bellied piranha.

Just imagine that thing fastening its jaws around you and chewing a hole in your taint! I hear a small school of piranha can skeletonize (skeletalize?) an entire cow in like 3 minutes. Rats, when you do a River Run, cover your ass...and all of your other prized anatomical parts.

Dr. Snail says there's nothing to worry about; piranha are tropical fish and could never survive a harsh PA winter. I agree, but what if some mad scientist created this fish? It could be a mutant that loves the cold (and rugby scrote). It might be a transgenic that expresses the genes necessary for creating the "antifreeze" in the blood of Antarctic fishes that keep them alive. Maybe Jay Hosler got to this thing and pissed it off. In any event, you've been warned.