Why do women love craft stores so much? From my experience, women always complain that they don't have any free time. They have to cook, clean, pop out babies, work, etc. If they didn't try to cram arts and crafts in there, maybe they'd have a little free time to watch TV.
Julia took me out to dinner yesterday, but first we had to stop at Joann Fabrics. She said it would only take five minutes, so I did a quick mental conversion of that into woman-time and realized we'd be in there for approximately 6 days.
My math was correct.
This store was out of control. I'd never seen so much crap in all my life. Pink, shiny, fluffy, sticky, girly nonsense everywhere. My testicles actually got sucked up into my abdomen and started turning into ovaries while I was in there.
They had a whole section of paper that you glue other stuff to. They also had a rack of magazine and books with amazing titles like "Rubber Stamping Quarterly" and "Knitting N'At." Plus, there was no lounge for men sit in while their women-folk bought things. At least some of those shitty stores in the mall have benches for me to sit on.
I'm just thankful that I wasn't the only guy in there. I saw plenty of other men following meekly behind their women, uselessly dreaming of a quick escape. You could tell the ones that had been in the store the longest too; their eyes were glazed over, and their vital organs had begun to shut down.
That's why I'm writing this. These stores are like quicksand; they'll suck you in, and you'll die! The cashier even tried to seduce me into coming back by telling me I could tie flies for fishing using their products. Thank god I'm a gear fisherman. Watch yourselves boys, watch yourselves...
A Place to Play
2 weeks ago
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6 comments:
whitford's favorite store?
True sir, very true.
Dude, we only bring you into these stores purely for the fun of watching you try to deal with all the girliness. It's pretty funny when I walk away from you and you panic because then it looks like you're in there alone...
At least I took you out for a manly dinner afterwards so you could grow your balls back.
Dude, I got sucked into one of those places over christmas break. I thought we(me and the mom)were just going to buy some giant bags of dog food. Little did I know, we were making a side trip to JoAnn Fabrics, which is in the same strip mall. If there was a god, I was asking him to take me at that moment.
Seriously people, ribbon is the biggest waste of raw materials I can think of. You look at it for a few seconds, just before you throw it away.
And what's the deal with doilies? Doilies piss me off.
Oh yeah, and while my left ball eventually did drop back into place, I'm still missing Mr. Righty.
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