Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Clementines piss me off.

Matt Bochman likes oranges. All the vitamin C hoopla is a bunch of horseshit (I once ate a 5 lb bag of oranges over the course of 4 or 5 days and got a cold at the end of it), but oranges taste good. They smell kinda good when you peel them too.

Clementines, on the other hand, suck Rosie O'Donnell's taint. It's like Donald Trump is oranges and Rosie is clementines...except switch the sizes...and insert an analogy that doesn't make me sound like an F'n tardmaster.

For those of you that don't know, these choads define clementines as:
Clementine's are the tiniest of the mandarins. Imported from Spain, Morocco, and other parts of North Africa, clementines are a cross between a sweet orange and a Chinese mandarin. They are small, very sweet, and usually seedless. Most people think of clementines as small tangerines, but they're a different variety entirely, with a distinctive taste. The Clementine is an excellent eating orange. Its small size and lack of seeds make it particularly popular with kids. Clementines have been available in Europe for many years, but the market for them in the United States was made only a few years ago, when a devastating freeze in Florida made domestic oranges scarce and expensive. A lot of oranges, including clementines, were imported from Europe, and clementines started to catch on. Over the past few years they've become increasingly popular, and as the demand has gone up, so has the price.
See, they're not even American. I like American cars, and I like American citrus, dammit!

Clementines are too small. You waste all of your time peeling one, then eat it in like 3 seconds. Unless you want to peel 50 of these mofos, you might as well just eat an orange Gummi Bear. It's like the donut hole conspiracy. Sure, donut holes taste good, but why not just eat a donut then? I'd probably consume less trans fat eating whole donuts than donut holes (whoa, that's sorta symmetric) because I don't know when to stop eating donut holes.

Umm, I think the weight loss from the flu is still affecting me because I don't know where I am now.

4 comments:

Phagegirl said...

As you would say, "you're a hole." ;-)

Dr. Yeti said...

No you are!

the yeti said...

didn't j-law love clementines?

Dr. Yeti said...

To be honest, I don't remember. I blame the (no less than) 384 beers that I drank though.