Jared doesn’t live in Pennsylvania anymore. For the foreseeable future, he’s gonna rock out with his cock out, he’s gonna hang out with his wang out, and he’s gonna stick out with his dick out in Richmond, Virginia. For those that don’t know, VA is a black hole from which Pennsylvanians can’t escape. I swear that half the people from my high school live and work there now. If I’m not mistaken, a good number of Juniatians ended up there too. Cheers to a good job market I guess.
So, what happens when all of the yetis either leave or are exterminated from an ecosystem? That’s right, the marsupials move in. Wombats roam the streets in fearsome gaggles, kangaroos break out their boxing gloves, and the koalas start to get lippy. Just this weekend, I heard a koala demand that a beautiful woman get her bitch-ass back in the kitchen and make him some eucalyptus pie.
And if it’s not the marsupials by land, it’s the carp by sea. My grandfather (and namesake) used to say that the best way to prepare carp was to stuff it with manure, wrap it in foil, bake it for an hour, throw the fish away, and eat the shit. Again, for those that don’t know, carp is one of the ugliest, nastiest fish going. They’re bottom feeders; they’ll eat any kind of garbage they can.
Well, that’s the state of things here now. Koalas are getting fat and sassy, and carp are invading trout waters with impunity. Meanwhile, Jared’s living the good life in Virginia, making money hand over fist, and joining catfish clubs. Kill you Jared!
A Place to Play
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