Happy Birthday Goiter!

I have a younger sister named Shannon. I call her Goiter or some variation thereof (i.e. Goity). She doesn't actually have a goiter, but it would be pretty silly if she did. I could draw a different face on it with colored markers depending on her mood. Chances are if she did have a goiter though, I'd come up with a different nickname for her, Lumpy maybe...

Anyway, Goiter felt the need to give me crap for publicly wishing Our Lord and Savior Chuck Norris a happy birthday and not posting anything about her birthday on March 6th. Let me dissect my decision not to spread birthday cheer to her online:

1. She was most likely drunk for 13 days straight (centered roughly around March 6). Why make a big deal of her birthday online if she's too retarded to use a computer? Her roommate wouldn't have been able to help her either; the girl is stoned out of her gourd 24-7. She would've been distracted by something shiny and/or edible long before she could've logged onto the blog.

2. I'm a dick.

3. I'm busy. I'm here working every day trying to make the world safe for democracy...or something like that. I do enjoy firing off a good blog post when I can, but some days I just don't have the time.

4. Chuck Norris is better than Goiter. Until my sister can pull a sweet maneuver like roundhouse kicking Bruce Lee in half and then forming Jackie Chan and Jet Li from the pieces (much like Chuck did once when he was bored), she's taking a back seat to Walker, Texas Ranger.

Now, Goiter did once bruise one of my testicles (probably lefty), so that at least merits a belated happy birthday. Way to turn 22 Goiter! Stay away from my 'nads...