What's in a Name? Pt 3

Yet even more nicknames…

Beaver – Where to begin?  Where to begin?  I first met this gentleman my freshman year at the field station doing work for the maple syruping club.  Yes, I was a member of that club.  Yeti’s like the outdoors.  Anyhow, this kid was obsessed with running the chainsaw.  He thought he was a god.  I’m surprised he didn’t cut his leg off.  In fact, I’m kind of upset that he didn’t.  I wouldn’t have gotten a good laugh out of the incident.  For some reason, I think the nickname is related to his chainsaw fetish, but I’m not completely certain.  He ended up living on the same floor as Bochman and I our sophomore year.  One incident in particular comes to mind.  One night, Beaver made nachos.  What’s so unusual about that you ask?  Well, this was a nacho “meal” that would make Bob Krause full.  The recipe:  1 lb ground beef browned, 1 entire block of Velveeta cheese, 1 bag of nacho chips.  Needless to say, he devoured the whole thing.

Sloth – Remember The Goonies?  What am I saying?  Of course your remember The Goonies!!  This girl was largish in stature much like Sloth from the movie.  Also like Sloth, she had eyes that were slightly offset.  She may have been mildly retarded too.

The Darkness – This one is courtesy of Hoss.  The Darkness was the girlfriend of our RA senior year.  The best part of this one was hearing and seeing Hoss say, “The Darkness”.

Stain – I am proud to say that this nickname is a direct result of my actions.  Junior year a freshman named Kevin Boyd came out for the rugby team.  Stain is a man of rather large proportions and was sent to work with the other fat guys on the team.  One day during practice we were going through a scrum drill.  Stain was playing second row to my propping position.  He head was squaw under my ass.  It was at this point that I farted on his head.  He has been known as Stain ever since.  I’m sure there are people out there that could never tell you his real name.

Ivan Drago – This was the name given to Brain Dinning.  If you think about it, it’s a very fitting nickname.  He does look like Ivan Drago and has the same demeanor.  The nickname was so convincing that we had one girl convinced that he was actually a Russian.

Yankees – Where to begin?  She was the girl with fake boobs that some said were lopsided.  One day she wore a shirt that Yankees, supporting the famed, but much hated baseball team from the Bronx.  The “Y” and “s” were so stretched by her silicone pillows that the name stuck.  Now it has always been my claim that this girl was hot.  No one else stuck by me in that declaration.  I don’t care what they say, there’s something about a nasty Jersey bitch that hits the spot.

Yankees of the Orient – While nowhere nearly as good-looking as Yankees, she was still given the name because she looked somewhat like Yankees and she was Asian.

Doug Hogan’s Redheaded Girlfriend – Unlike the name, this was a dude.  He was Doug’s constant companion and roommate.  He was kind of sheepish, but he did have a hot girlfriend in Debbie Mensch.  We never really understood that one.

Stinky Nick – This one goes way back.  Way back to freshman year.  I believe this kid made it any further in his career at Juniata.  As you can tell from the nickname, he was quite odiferous.  One story I remember of him was recalled by his roommate Scott.  At some point during the year, Scott kept hearing this scratching noise coming from Stinky Nick’s closet.  Upon further inspection, Scott found a shoebox containing a bird.  Apparently Stinky Nick found the injured bird and decided to take in the invalid.  He kept it in a shoebox in his closet.  I don’t know what the final fate of the bird was and for that matter the final fate of Stinky Nick.

That’s all for now.